So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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