he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
