it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will be naked everywhere
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
