Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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