SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
