I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
