my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
