it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
