You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
