You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
