So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
