Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
