Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
