Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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