My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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