Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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