If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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