Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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