I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
