i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
