get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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