Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
