Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
