when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
