What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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