i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
