we're chasing vodka with high fives
he thought i was a dude.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize