Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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