Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
