I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
did i walk over a car last night?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
