so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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