well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
