Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Couch. On fire.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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