Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Im part way to drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
