I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
