U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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