Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize