last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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