Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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