Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
