She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We left the knife in your bed.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
