ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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