I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
