Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
