Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
