Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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