: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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