i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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