My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
