Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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