i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
