man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
