Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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