Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
