uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
