I can tuck mytits in my pants
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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