I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
