i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Couch. On fire.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
