wrigley field is MILF paradise
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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