1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
