I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
