You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
