i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize