i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize