all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
