They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
