Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
