Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
