i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
