So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
