Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
