in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
