Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize