its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
