Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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