I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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