Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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