Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
