It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize