Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
