Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
