Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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