Betty ford says i'm here all night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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