I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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