no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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